Catch the Hare Away Weekend 2010

Catch the Hare went Druidic and Cider'd up!

21st to 23rd May 2010

Here's how it went (not a patch on Shakespeare but to be read with theatrical flourish, preferably aloud)

Fair set the wind, and slowly did they speed their way
by Minibus from Ruislip to Fair Zummerzet.
But many traffic jams and confitures
did halt and slow them on their merry way,
for merry it was, and merry was that merry drinks
as both Pimms and Bloody Mary’s slaked their thirst.
With Cheap Shit at the wheel they went by leaps and bounds
and by Bristol’s Whorey suburbs too, they say
(for I must tell, your humble scribe arrived another way).

And by and by the came to Greenacres
where they met with those who travelled on their own.
And then a thread begins to weave
That tells of ancient rites and noble deeds.
So citizens of the hashing world take note
And learn the lessons of this sorry tale,
T’will be quicker if you arrive in Zummerzet by boat
So you will have more time for supping ale.

“On Friday we depart at Severn” Suntory said
though frantically did we set our tents ere that.
And finally at eight we left the camp
But not before a bumbag lost and found.
“There will be food in yonder inn” Suntory said
But food there was not, for the cook was ill.
So Mouthwash set forth to find a chippy, by noble birthmen highly prized
And though two watchwomen of the town did him direct
The Chippy Mouthwash’s seeking eye eluded.
Forlorn, returned he to the ravenous pack
“Fear not. to T’other Chippy, open still” Yorky Porky concluded,
So lightly did they trip to the second pub
Knowing that their hunger would soon be sated.
Alas, poor hashers, the Chippy’s doors were firmly closed
And by twos and ones, with faces glum and brows that glared with anger
They continued on their way, until they found at last
Some Turkish vittel vendors who assuaged their hunger,
Not with antalyan goat, that roasted o’er glowing coals
But burgers, pizza and chicken deeply fried
Sufficient, but alas was food for chavs and trolls.

The pack, they sought out Pub number two, wherein they drank
While stragglers, their Levantine feats digesting
Followed on and met them by and by in’t third establishment.
The baying pack, the bar maid did encircle
But alas the the beer within the inn was fully drunk.
So some quenched their thirst with orange cider,
And truly with the devil planned to sup.
(the Harriets seemed doomed by this endeavour
But this did not stir them from their cup).

“On on to Hostel 4” Suntory said
Which all and sundry happ’ly did
And there before their eyes appeared a vision
Of a pub with beer, as pleasant a place as hasher might devise.
With drinks to hand, congenially the discourse flowed awhile.
Then Bear Behind sought comfort on Suntory
His shoulder, a pillow for her flaxen head.
Twin Peaks did photographic evidence obtain
(though chastised she was in the following circle
For denying this her meanest subterfuge).

The taxis came and went, and hashers with them
Returning to the greeny acres, whence they came, where
With beer and cider for assembled hashers all
Libations marked and end to the pub crawl.

And yet festive votings were not closed
And twice times Twin Peaks tempted More on to try
Her Auchentoch, that he might loose his liberty.
(But yet recall this, she could not
When, in the circle, More on put her on the spot).
And later, when all but they had gone to sleep,
Yorky and TP regaled the campsite slumbers
With sharp words as never from such youthful mouths was heard.
But come breakfast this was all forgot,
for Venus and Nepenthe had worked their charms
and lovers tiff was put now well behind,
until, in the circle, More on did all remind.

On Saturday the sun rose on a peaceful scene
And hashers from their slumbers did awake.
Yorky at the Barbeque prepared a tasty treat
That slaked their hunger and prepared them for the day
Though many were the voices raised
for bread, and pancakes, marmite and marmalade
And other trucklements of the bourgeois’ taste.
Methinks they did protest too much.

“We depart at 11” Suntory said
A mystery tour for us was on his mind.
And soon we saw the mischief of Suntory’s plans
As at a Cider Farm ourselves did find.
A small tour was undertake, with Farmer Heck at hand
To show us how his magic juice was made
And then we took our leave, and bought much cider too
Before we left. And then were taken on and on
To the blessed land of Avalon
Where like Prospero the gentle Doctor Tripp his magic isle shared
Of wines from fruits, from Seyval and from Orion
Before we tasted all, and did purchase much
Which doubled the sweet Doctor’s revenues that day.

So forward to the afternoon when hashers all
Drank and ate their lunch, though bread was none,
For with bacon sarnies in the early morn t’was gone.
And there we found some shady spots to quietly sit and speak.
Then Yorky and Suntory with bread (for dinner) did return
And thoughts began to form of the day’s fun.

“5 minute warning” Suntory said
And dutifully we donned our hashing gear
For run 84a would soon be here.
We circled up and to the bus were sent
To sally forth for Glastonbury tor
But not before sweet Scrumpy to the loo was bent
And Mouthwash thought that we had gone before.

Thus with long and arduous climb ahead
to the top of Glastonbury’s famous mound we went
where was born the shortlived GTH3
(Glastonbury Tor Hash Hoiuse harriers to thee).
We circled up and called Mouthwash to the fore
To be GM and to hold the hash in awe
Though in truth the view from there was greater yet
With 3 counties o’erseen from the breezy top.
But yet he welcomed one and all to the hash
And asked them if they were happy, which they were
And Yorky replied with a question more:
Would he like a finger in his ear?
To which the usual repost was heard,
Before the cry “On On”, and they were off
Though not the way that Skylark thought
But back along the way they came
For Suntory, hare for the run, did not climb the hill
but streaked away to set the trail
he had not set ‘ere that day.

The trail from track to fields did go, with falsies on both sides.
At one, Unacceptable, unlucky soul
For trespass was chastised by Farmer Brown
Who then suggested that such athletes all
Should with such energy Farmers be.
At which he Hoo’d and Haa’d and made like semaphone
That lowly cattle did stampede and like Cerebus raise their heads
At Martian Matron and another other FRB
“Run faster” said the farmer, and they did
As lowing cattle bore down on them at great speed.
And then they wondered, where was Bear Behind?
“Behind” said Scrumpy “where she had planned to be”.
This was not good news to Farmer Brown, who cursed.
“Where’s you leader, you City sots” asked he?
And the mysteries of hashing were explained
For there are no rules, or leaders, no-one wears a crown.
“Then off my land” qoth he “or with my cows once more I’ll mow you down”.

And on, and on, or so it seemed went the flowery trail
Though mostly nettles, not the scented type.
And to the side did Martian Matron go to seek a trail that was not there
and for her troubles nettles stung her milky thighs so bare.
For truth the trail was straight and true and to Greenacres came.
But just before the end, Mouthwash was heard
To say such things as in good company ‘tis not allowed
For the trail was once more hid amid the poisonous weed
And defeated did he